Sep 18, 2024From the Founder

Chic Habits of a Woman of Substance

Some women just have it. You know the type. She can throw on a men’s shirt and worn-in jeans and somehow look like she planned it for hours. Think Jane Birkin: the basket bag, the gap teeth, the hair that always looked slightly undone in the best way. There’s something magnetic about her, right? She’s like sunshine—always glowing, always drawing people in. But what makes her so cool?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I’ve started to see a pattern in the things that give her the quiet kind of substance. Those little details that make us lean in and want to know more about her. So here’s a few from my curated list of chic things she does. And maybe you’ll find yourself nodding along, or picking up a new habit or two.

She’s Passionate About Something Specific

We all seem to know a little about a lot of things—thanks, social media. But how often do you meet someone who could talk about something specific for hours and still have more to say? Not because she needs to fill the silence, but because it's a topic that excites her and has meaning. This could be fashion, art history, or Greek mythology, but there's something quietly magnetic about a woman who knows her stuff.

She's Intelligent

Of course a woman of substance is someone who’s intelligent. She doesn’t pursue knowledge to seem smart—she wants to genuinely understand the world around her. When she doesn’t understand something, she writes it down to come back to and learn later. She understands the power of placing yourself in rooms where you are not the smartest person, because that’s just an opportunity to keep learning. Her intelligence goes beyond common sense and books; it’s something she’s trained in herself to understand people and the world around her. It’s the way she connects with the world, through stories and art and culture.

Her nightstand holds Austen, not a screen. Not because it looks good there—because of what it gives her back. Every classic hands her a sentence structure, a word, a way of saying something she didn’t have before. Classics teach her a new way to view the world, training her to gather the clues before the story hands her the answer—to understand before she’s told.

That same instinct, paying attention and staying with something, carries into everything else she touches. When she starts something, she sets out to master it, because nothing worth doing should be done half way.

A woman of substance can speak more than one language. It takes discipline and persistence to truly learn one, and years of practice to actually master it. What it earns her is worth every hour: the ability to connect with another culture in its own words, not through translation. It may be hard in the moment, but it builds character, and it opens doors as she travels that stay closed to everyone else in the room.

Much like a language: when a woman takes the time to master a skill that takes years to learn, say a classical instrument, she gains so much more than a party trick. Yes, when a woman can sit down and play at a party, I find it incredibly impressive and très chic. But more than that, she can create something beautiful and hand it to a room as a gift, forming a connection between everyone present.

She's Genuinely Warm

A woman of substance is warm and genuine. She doesn’t fake kindness because it’s expected—she’s kind because it’s who she is. It’s that sincerity that draws us in. When she’s warm, you feel it, and that’s part of what makes her irresistible.

She takes real interest when someone’s talking. It could be something she’s hearing for the one hundredth time or something completely new and exciting—it doesn’t matter the topic, you will always have her undivided attention. She doesn’t need the spotlight in conversation; she gives it away. She’s not trying to prove she cares—she just does, and it shows.

Take something as small as a name. A woman who remembers yours after only meeting you once is paying more attention than most people ever do. To remember it means she was actually listening the first time, not just waiting for her turn to talk. I’ll admit I’m guilty of the opposite. I met someone at church a couple of Sundays ago and lost their name in the middle of our own conversation. Remembering easily, without having to ask twice, is a small thing, but it makes an impression every time.

She Knows Who She Is

A woman of substance knows who she is and what she likes. She doesn’t follow what everyone else is doing, because she knows if it doesn’t speak to her, she’s only wasting her time or money. Everything in her life feels carefully curated just for her. You know the woman whose kitchen you walk into and it just makes sense. You see her taste become a pattern across her life, all the little details reflecting one another.

You walk into her home and you can feel the life she’s breathed into it. It’s a feeling you can’t really explain, except that it’s a hundred percent her. She can appreciate what others love, and what doesn’t resonate with her, but she doesn’t feel the need to chase it.

We’re all drawn to the woman of substance because her life is truly authentic, not crafted for an algorithm or our approval. When culture tells us we must chase someone else’s lifestyle, she stays focused. She doubles down on what she loves and doesn’t let whoever is on her screen change the way she wants to dress week after week.

She Dresses With Intention

A woman's style says a lot about her. It tells you how she wants to be perceived by the world, and what's important to her. It's like the cerulean blue scene from The Devil Wears Prada: nothing in fashion is neutral, even not trying is a choice. The woman of substance understands this, and chooses her wardrobe wisely. It's the same thing that made Birkin's men's shirt and worn-in jeans work—not effortless because she didn't think about it, effortless because she'd already decided. What you wear will be someone's first impression of you, and the woman of substance dresses accordingly. It doesn't mean her style has to be demure, but she considers how what she wears will affect how people perceive her.

She doesn’t overdo it. This may be an unpopular opinion, but being overdressed does not automatically make you the best-dressed in the room. The best-dressed in every room is the one who knows the occasion and thoughtfully pieces together the best outfit for it. In theory, a dress may look cute for a boat day, but once you’re out on the water and the wind picks up, your decision to overdress for an otherwise casual situation has gone from “chic” to uncomfortable.

There’s a rule in styling that you choose one part of your body to highlight and keep the rest covered. This maintains balance and elegance in the whole look, and the woman of substance understands the importance of strategically showing skin.

When shopping, a woman of substance looks for smaller brands not everyone knows. She doesn’t want to show up wearing the same outfit as someone else, but if by some chance she does, she takes it with grace. When it comes to fashion, she’s just quietly in the know. She finds small and unique brands that fit her style and values, and chooses those over heading to a department store for name brands. And if she chooses to add a trend to her closet, it’s very thought out and meaningful, and simply fits into her already curated closet.

She Writes Thank You Notes

There is a lost art to a thoughtfully crafted thank you note. As a child, it didn’t matter if someone gave me a gift for my birthday or was generous with their time—my mother would sit me down and have me write them a note. She told me: if someone takes the time to pick out a gift or give you their time, you can take the time to thank them for it. It doesn’t take more than a few minutes, and it shows them it didn’t go unnoticed.

A text says thank you too, technically. But it disappears in a scroll five seconds later. A note doesn’t—it sits on a counter, gets propped on a shelf, gets found again months later in a drawer. The woman of substance understands that difference. She creates something physical to place in someone’s hands, not because a text isn’t enough, but because a note lasts.

I keep a box in my room with birthday cards and thank you notes, mostly from my grandparents, because it’s nice to have something tangible to hold onto. Someday they won’t be around, and it’s nice to know I’ll still have something from them to look at. Sometimes you read a note once and toss it, and that’s fine too. What matters is that someone took the time.

So what makes her the woman of substance? It was never one thing. It’s the book on her nightstand, the note she takes the time to write, the way she gives up the spotlight without needing credit for it. None of it is for anyone else’s approval, none of it is for the algorithm, and that’s exactly why it works. She’s not performing sunshine. She just is it, quietly, and the rest of us can’t help but lean in.

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